i hv no idea why people still read my blog and honestly i feel very bad about updating so infrequently and at such rdm times that you have to check back and then be disappointed abt the waste of effort only to have the whole cycle repeats itself a few days/weeks later?? IM SO SORRY AND IM SO GRATEFUL THAT YOU CARE ABT ME DESPITE YOUR BUSY SCHEDULE.
this time i went to indo hoping to get a grip on my myself because this acquaintance of mine has been playing me like mad and its like i have no control over my emotions and i just keep falling for the same tricks over and over again and i was so angry at myself for letting him do that to me. right before i left i actually texted kg saying
trust me i would love to expose this jerk but nah i not so bad hahahah there are consequences when i drag people into this BUT point being, i just wanted to love myself more
unfortunately this trip was hectic af and i didnt get to stop and think as much as i wanted to but it sure opened up my eyes to a world much bigger than mine and i realised, fk it. im done wasting time on this. so i guess, mission success???
these are some of my fav shots which i dare not upload to insta cause posey af but lucky you you get to see it!!
some BTS of how retarded and touristy we actually look…and mind you its a temple leh. i feel a bit bad that im being disrespectful at such a holy place
one of the funniest things that happened is the amt of people who asked for a photograph?!?! i think its a thing there that the locals like to take photos with tourists. but this is a UNESCO heritage site leh arent there a lot of tourists?? but anyways this is me trying to chase them away after taking the photos CAUSE I WANT THIS SPOT. thanks yh for capturing this moment i look like im waving to my fans LOL but i was actually pretty annoyed after a while cause THEY JUST KEEP COMING?? imagine EACH of them here taking a selfie w you like whut?! and this is only a fraction of them captured on the camera
WHICH EDIT DO YOU LIKE BETTER? terry did the first one and i did the second and i like the 2nd pic better cause more candid and it looked like im having fun compared to the first?? but he liked the first one cause “the hand so awkward” he says.
im actually a bit hesitant to use his name here because i accidentally revealed to him that i have a wordpress and he has been trying to find this blog since then mygawd. i have to say hes pretty smart and has been googling things i would most likely write about like “bkk trip” “cac camp” “helios” but hes not that smart to google names yet because these keywords are so generic but people’s names are not you know. esp if they are chinese names. IM GONNA USE ACRONYMS FROM NOW ON.
on the way back to sg i was sitting with lw and terry and out of the 2 of them, 1 of them has a travel website (thecastienco.com) –> GO VISIT AND SUPPORT!!! and another is bringing in her own fashion label (adm fking useful sia?! she has been doing freelance designing since she was a student and on top of that she also sells her art stuff in flea market booths…what can i do as a business student…$800 internship lor) and as they talk passionately abt their future plans, i realised…wtf am i doing??
academically i do better than either of them and in fact my results from As is probably like that top 15% of the cohort and i was so proud of myself back then but….. here i am perpetually feeling sad abt my life and my lack of accomplishments and fulfillment. where did it all go wrong?? even when i was in a 3 year long relationship back then i dont think i was truly happy. sure i think i made myself believe that i had everything i needed but there was no one thing that gave purpose to my life or that i really wanted it to succeed. i used to laugh at hubert’s willingness to get trapped in that little life called “hall” and thought i was doing bigger things for the entire sch but then year after year when the project ends i took away nothing as well. that made me no diff from him. sure the scale of the project is bigger and looks better on my resume but what happens after? i let it die once its over anyways. no history made, back to square one.
i wish i made better use of my time as a uni student. there was so much i could do. go for open auditions, casting call for campaign shoots, sing in a pub, tried water colouring, volunteered at a cooking drive, picked up dancing earlier, learnt coding, worked out more, worked on my strengths and talk to more people…and honestly when i look back i thought, wtf was i doing?! i didnt hang out with my og much, not too much w my rv friends as well. weekdays were for club activities like impre, and maybe case (but case was a good decision but even so i only went once in y2 to nz so i didnt spend time in case afterwards and i stopped hanging w my case club people as a result – so mostly cac i guess??) and then weekends was for bf i guess?? i cant believe i let 3 years of uni slipped past me like that THREE FUCKING YEARS and the worst part is i rmb none of that argh. i did learn a few lessons here and there ofc but i could have been so much more…
alright i know no pt crying over spilled milk so im gonna stop being angst. this final year ive been trying to make the best out of it by trying out all kinds of rdm things and i do feel more fulfilled but i think i can only say for sure after results come out…ive been playing so much (all in the name of “last year last chance”) that im damn scared ill flunk AND I CANNOT AFFORD TO. maybe ill check back in after results release day.
anyways after that airplane talk ive decided i want to seriously get my shit tgt. sure the previous sem was all fun and games and its good but 2018 i want to have fun and games not at the expense of myself. if my friends can make it, i can do it too right?!
here are some of the stuff ive done/planning and you can tell how serious i am (for now):
- cleaned my table, cleared out trash and unusable pens and stuff
- quit hall aft march when frisbee, jam band, hall prod’s over
- considering to join a startup
- bought all watercolouring materials
- made a solemn promise to never jio anyone out for drinks again (but they can still jio me la, fair enough right)
- signed up for banquet job all alone and part time trainer as well (31st dec 5pm-4am hor THIS IS HOW U SPELL DEDICATION)
- signed up for a casting call for waltertan’s campaign shoot (thats why ive been trying to post more photos of myself but wtf the peek a boo photo only for 70 likes WHUT?! i thought quite cute but i guess i was wrong?? pls help to comment and like my photos pls pls pls so waltertan will notice and pls pick me)
ill come up with some new year resolutions soon and i truly believe that “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail” so ill come up with some concrete plans on how to achieve them along w it.
till then, happy boxing day guys!!! i hope 2018 will be better for everyone and rmb to keep pushing and be a better you everyday!!